Had a great dinner with friend EC tonight. He’s been thinking of friends dying, how it’ll start to be, now that he’s of an age.  We shared stories of fathers’ passing. Very different ones, with some common elements.  What is grief, but the disbelief of a permanent and painful absence.  That’s our common experience.

Five days with no overly emotive days, then crying on the plane home. Strange pains in both breasts. Hormonal cycles triggering something? Sympathy pains in Lulu for Rosie? Will I really look down and see a chunk of her gone in a few days? I’be been looking at myself in the mirror with both arms overhead, admiring their perfect size, shape, symmetry. How familiar the picture and how familiar the flesh.

Thursday, March 31 – found lump

Tuesday, April 5 – appointment with physician’s assistant, confirmed lump.

Friday, April 8 – mammogram

Tuesday, April 19 – ultrasound

Friday, April 29 – core biopsy

Wednesday, May 4 –

Just one more thing to deal with.  Lump in right breast. You have got to be kidding.

Here goes nothing!  Only rules to follow are complete and brutal honesty, since truly open communication is what humans crave anyway.